The Toxic Mix of Grief and Burnout

Why rest is urgent, important and revolutionary

Young Woman Resting In A Music Room by Alfred Stevens

Grief and burnout. What messy bedfellows they are, this midnight dark combination. And how often they come together, camp out in the deep recesses of our brains, hidden behind that single crucial door that we cannot find when we are in the throes of despair.

When I started this newsletter, I did accommodate for burnout to an extent, but I did not accommodate for the blackbird of grief showing up in my life suddenly and perching itself at my window. The trouble with grief is that when it sinks its talons into your shoulders, it does not let go and the more you try to shake it off, the more it remains, dug in holding on. You can’t hurry it out. It leaves at its own pace. What no one tells you is that when your whole world has turned into a mottled grey, how do you function enough to create and make beautiful things?

I admit, I was overdoing it before the grief visited. I was pushing my body through asthma in one of the most polluted cities in the world, moving house as soon as I travelled back until my legs gave way to influenza and I was forced to stay in bed for a week and rest. The lesson learned was simple. Take a break or your body will force you to take that break. As my breathing finally comes back to me, I feel grateful to be able to take a lungful of air without breaking down in a coughing fit.

Listen, this late stage capitalist world we have found ourselves in does not lend itself well to grief or burnout. You lost someone? Too bad, you still have bills to pay. Burnt out from weeping and not getting enough sleep because you miss the person you lost? Well, you still have to make rent and your boss won’t take “I’m sorry I feel like I’m drowning” as a reason for you to have time off.

A healthy world is a well rested world. A kind world is full of healthy souls. This is a deep interconnection that we are missing by forcing ourselves to grind until our bodies and minds hurt, even when we are in distress. And yes, on a much higher political level, this needs to change. Human beings are a persevering, resilient species, but we are also only capable of our most generous, intelligent selves when we have the time to relax and dream,

To be honest, this is why the greatest act of revolution in this specific landscape we have built for ourselves is rest. To allow our bodies to heal from the daily stresses that otherwise pile up and have become one of the greatest ways human beings hurt ourselves. To be able to allow yourself to be unproductive and just sleep or relax is the biggest gift you can give yourself.

I am back now. Still with a nasty cough where every once in a while I feel like my chest will collapse into itself, but my mind and heart feel better than it was in January or in December. Burnout is no joke. And if you allow things to get too far, eventually, you end up entertaining everything from illness to painful thoughts towards yourself.

I plan to do another creative challenge towards the middle of April for a week. This one will be designed around 2 weeks of rest, journaling and seeking out the things that bring us mental comfort in a world forever hurtling towards existential crisis. Until next week, this is me asking you to take that half an hour nap that you have been longing for and putting off. Or read the book you’ve been longing to read for pleasure. Or try, just try to give yourself an hour of essential time in the peace of a hobby, or doing absolutely nothing at all. You deserve it, believe me you do. You deserve rest and kindness and all the gentle things your body has been craving for so long.

With warmth and verse,

Nikita