I’m weeping. These words are necessary. Medicinal. Reaffirming. Thank you dear one for sharing them with us; for sharing your aching and happy heart with us. 🤎
I find that my capacity to truly embrace grief increases my capacity for joy (and vice versa) – likely because I’m able to appreciate it all the more, and find it even in the simplest of things…
I love that Mary Oliver quote. Also, joy... sadness... they take turns to roll in like the ocean, so best not to miss your chance to catch a wave before they roll out again 🌊
Guilt is a terrible inheritance and if one is born with it, as I was, the burden grows heavy as the years accumulate. As part of my healing journey, I started practicing looking for tiny examples of joyfulness - the trill of a bird, a flash of fluorescent colour on a tiny dragonfly, pink buds on trees on a grey cold spring day. I think it is a simple act of mindfulness that can ground me when I risk being dragged into the shadows of the past. It works on a good day.... on the bad days, you can just see the skid marks of my heels digging into the dust.
There is still so much good in this world. I often struggle with survivor’s guilt and this time of year is very difficult because of two family members’ birthdays in a four day span with the death anniversary in the middle. I have to think of what good I need to continue to do. I don’t think they’d want me in constant sorrow.
I lost three of the closest people to me over the course of three winters. That grief is not something you can easily communicate. Never is such a long time...
Thanks for sharing this. It reminds me of a Walt Whitman post (by way of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic) which is “We must risk delight,” he wrote. “We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world.”
My grieving mother heart needed to hear this and be reminded that my son would never want my life to be joyless. Thank you for this much needed message and reminder. <3
So well, said, Nikita. From an existential point of view joy and pain are indeed intermingled. The existentialist would say there is no joy without the pain. It is almost as we have to work ourselves through and out of pain in order to be joyful. So what you describe here are two qualities of joy, the deep joy we allow ourselves to feel because we allow ourselves to feel it!, (so a conscious decision is involved here) and secondly a more immediate joy which breaks in as it would approach us from beyond (which some refer to as transcendence).
And then there is the guilt. It is almost like survivors guilt. I think many of us feel guilty to feel any kind of joy because of the state of this world as you have described so vividly! And because we are confronted with that broken state so directly thanks to our immediate access to direct reporting of the cruelty which happens elsewhere. Again, it needs our decision here (the existential moment of choosing freedom over determination 😇) to allow ourselves to live joyful lives despite a pained world. I think it does not mean looking away but looking the right way, like we would look with our hearts. We can’t allow the terror (and the war mongers!) of this world to terrorize our hearts but we must keep them open enough to stay vigilant and compassionate.
Therefore I suggest joy and happiness are not the same. As joy is a deeper heart feeling mediated by our own action while happiness can be a fleeting moment we search but often cannot find. What do you think?
That was so enriching. Thank you! It beautifully weaves into your January challenge and feels so aligned with some of the themes we’re playing with together there. I’m wrapping this piece around me.
Thank you for this brilliant and freeing piece, Nikita. I get to create a quiet Sunday carved from the peace I wished for in childhood. I get to feel joy. 💕
l love thinking of joy as an act of revolution. Thank you for this timely reminder (and permission) to be forgiving and more gentle.
Thank you for reading this! Self compassion is an act of resistance when we are experiencing self hatred x
I’m weeping. These words are necessary. Medicinal. Reaffirming. Thank you dear one for sharing them with us; for sharing your aching and happy heart with us. 🤎
Thank you so much for leaving this beautiful comment for me! This is my joy of today! <3
Receiving that. Thank you, love. 🤎
I find that my capacity to truly embrace grief increases my capacity for joy (and vice versa) – likely because I’m able to appreciate it all the more, and find it even in the simplest of things…
I love that Mary Oliver quote. Also, joy... sadness... they take turns to roll in like the ocean, so best not to miss your chance to catch a wave before they roll out again 🌊
Mmm, yes, this
Guilt is a terrible inheritance and if one is born with it, as I was, the burden grows heavy as the years accumulate. As part of my healing journey, I started practicing looking for tiny examples of joyfulness - the trill of a bird, a flash of fluorescent colour on a tiny dragonfly, pink buds on trees on a grey cold spring day. I think it is a simple act of mindfulness that can ground me when I risk being dragged into the shadows of the past. It works on a good day.... on the bad days, you can just see the skid marks of my heels digging into the dust.
There is still so much good in this world. I often struggle with survivor’s guilt and this time of year is very difficult because of two family members’ birthdays in a four day span with the death anniversary in the middle. I have to think of what good I need to continue to do. I don’t think they’d want me in constant sorrow.
I lost three of the closest people to me over the course of three winters. That grief is not something you can easily communicate. Never is such a long time...
Thanks for sharing this. It reminds me of a Walt Whitman post (by way of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic) which is “We must risk delight,” he wrote. “We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world.”
Beautifully written...thank you!!
Beautifully said.. Joy is an act of Revolution.
My grieving mother heart needed to hear this and be reminded that my son would never want my life to be joyless. Thank you for this much needed message and reminder. <3
Deeply appreciate this reminder that there are moments of joy, even amidst the pain.
The heels digging in are to be celebrated. At least I am trying to stay content in the moment.
So well, said, Nikita. From an existential point of view joy and pain are indeed intermingled. The existentialist would say there is no joy without the pain. It is almost as we have to work ourselves through and out of pain in order to be joyful. So what you describe here are two qualities of joy, the deep joy we allow ourselves to feel because we allow ourselves to feel it!, (so a conscious decision is involved here) and secondly a more immediate joy which breaks in as it would approach us from beyond (which some refer to as transcendence).
And then there is the guilt. It is almost like survivors guilt. I think many of us feel guilty to feel any kind of joy because of the state of this world as you have described so vividly! And because we are confronted with that broken state so directly thanks to our immediate access to direct reporting of the cruelty which happens elsewhere. Again, it needs our decision here (the existential moment of choosing freedom over determination 😇) to allow ourselves to live joyful lives despite a pained world. I think it does not mean looking away but looking the right way, like we would look with our hearts. We can’t allow the terror (and the war mongers!) of this world to terrorize our hearts but we must keep them open enough to stay vigilant and compassionate.
Therefore I suggest joy and happiness are not the same. As joy is a deeper heart feeling mediated by our own action while happiness can be a fleeting moment we search but often cannot find. What do you think?
That was so enriching. Thank you! It beautifully weaves into your January challenge and feels so aligned with some of the themes we’re playing with together there. I’m wrapping this piece around me.
This is a beautiful reminder of joy as a revolutionary act. Thank you x
Thank you for this brilliant and freeing piece, Nikita. I get to create a quiet Sunday carved from the peace I wished for in childhood. I get to feel joy. 💕