This is true and reminds me of what Germaine Greer (of all people) wrote about in The Female Eunuch. The right to sit as we wish, like our male counterparts and talk freely. Unfortunately this is seen as whiny.
YES. And not just whiny, it is being seen more and more like we don't have a right to communicate openly at all as women because our problems are just not "real problems".
Oh EVERYTHING you have said here 👆. I have a friend who runs a charity concerned with women’s rights and the abuse /threats she gets are regular and terrifying. I worry about her mental health a lot. It’s VERY damaging because it keeps women quiet. Or tries to. I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who refuse. And frustration and anger at the companies and people profiting with no regard for people’s safety. Not even children. So yes. Thanks for writing this. We should all be shouting these words.
I don’t know how old you are but this feels like an article about social media from 2000 but it’s earlier than that. Before social media you had newspapers and talk shows that would print 1 letter that was how you felt just to drive up hate and responses from the majority. On talk shows if your opinion was not the majority they would “allow” you to speak first and then the audience, host and anyone they invited to debate you would all pile on.
Crossfire was not an honest debate. “The Five” (really 4 against 1) is not a honest debate. Free speech if your Black or a Black woman in a feminist group is often drowned out by the majority and being ostracized is something that can happen if White people just have feelings about you even being in the room. You don’t even have to open your mouth.
This is also true for girls and women simply playing video games ON-LINE - have a girl avatar and you get attacked much more - while doing the same exact thing the majority is doing. It’s not even about having different thoughts.
I don’t say this to minimize anything you wrote - it’s all true- I am so glad you’re not friends with that guy anymore because he probably has been in the space where you’ve been attacked and didn’t say shit.
I think you should post this every week on every social media site and everyone else should do the same until horrible people realize they are the minority and horrible and maybe they won’t want to be horrible anymore. They truth is they aren’t the minority- they are the loudest part of the majority. You are the minority and even people who would never say/write these things to you - they’ll watch you go through all the hate and anxiety and won’t lose a minute of sleep.
Every Black woman knows this - please stay safe and thank you for this. I’m off to work, thanks for the armor.
I had to stop reading this after the first two paragraphs because I knew it would hit home so deeply.
After becoming very unsafe through my work, with multiple police cases, I couldn't handle the cavalier responses I got from people. Friends, colleagues and even family members said these men were" just weirdos with too much time on their hands" and to "ignore them". The police treated me like a overly sensitive child. After I showed them a group I was part of, made up of 600 women who were trying to keep themselves safe having been targeted by the same man, they told me that the death threat towards me from him was just me "getting nasty messages" and that what I had showed them was "hearsay". This came 15 minutes after I'd done a session for a local police force on the normalisation of misogyny.
After getting a cup of tea, I came back to this piece and now I feel just immensely grateful to Nikki for writing it. ♥️
Oh Nikita, I’m so incredibly sorry someone so casually invalidated the threats you received : that must’ve been soul wrenching and terrifying. There is this insidious undertone of misogyny all around and women are silenced, our pain isn’t taken seriously and we are expected to carry the weight of the world and somehow pretend everything is alright. Men hide behind the Internet facade and spew all sorts of garbage .. And it’s only getting worse .. I wonder if there will ever be a space that’s safe and nourishing for women to express themselves and just be..
I appreciate this space so much.. it’s been my space for solace and peace and healing ❤️🩹 as I attempt to heal from my illnesses.. Sending you so much love and warmth ! Xx
I found this to also be the case being an epic fantasy author who writes books in a multiverse of feminine rage. I get horrible HORRIBLE things left in my DMs simply for using the word ‘feminine rage’ from completely sexist pigs or even from women who tell me I should know my place. It got to a point I had to turn off my DMs completely, and all because of the words ‘feminine rage’ which of itself has a ton of complexity and can be represented in various forms. It saddens me that it came down to closing my DMs but I felt I had to protect myself…it’s so surreal how this behavior feels ‘normal’ enough that people feel okay going into a writer’s personal space to say such nasty things.
Yes!! I wrote a piece the other day about the extreme views the internet holds the day about EVERYTHING and how quickly people jump to put people on pedestals and then knock them down again. And I think you hit the nail on the head with the fact it’s because we don’t see people as people, we can ignore their humanity and turn them into saints and when we’re bored of them sinners, because we dont see any of the consequences of either side from an online view...
Absolutely. The harassment must stop, however it comes about. Either due to men standing up and speaking out against such disgusting practices as deep fake porn or death threats, and shaming those who resort to such tactics, or due to changing the law about what is acceptable.
I wonder if there is a way to trace the creators of such vile content, so they could be charged with libel. It might be tedious, yet the recent success of E Jean Carroll holds possibility for us all.
Nikita - how could anyone stoop so low as to use the written word, which you arrange so beautifully and poignantly, to create such vile threats against you? That same question I had to ask a decade ago when I learned that someone I loved dearly was being bullied and broken by trolls who were virtually creeping into our home through the portal of a laptop screen. I hope that you can filter out those cowardly threats and keep refreshing us with your unique take on life. If we are indeed fighting a battle of light versus darkness, remember that no amount of darkness can defeat the light of a single candle. So keep on shining....
I've recent learned there's a danger in the internet and social media. The notion that information is enough, that more and more information is enough, that you don't have to think, you just have to get more information - gets very dangerous.
Really interesting and thought-provoking piece Nikita.
Is there a value to participating in social media? If there is, I have yet to see it. Is there a value to comment sections of articles? No. Could there be? Sure, if we could rely on people being decent, thoughtful, and humane.
It has gotten to the point where I cringe when a person posts about a personal emotional or physical experience or dilemma. I know what’s coming for that poor soul. It is clearly far worse for women, but social media has proven to be useless for decent people. I just don’t think it can work with millions of anonymous strangers free to express themselves without needing to consider the consequences to fellow humans of what they write. Perhaps this tool cannot teach.
This is true and reminds me of what Germaine Greer (of all people) wrote about in The Female Eunuch. The right to sit as we wish, like our male counterparts and talk freely. Unfortunately this is seen as whiny.
YES. And not just whiny, it is being seen more and more like we don't have a right to communicate openly at all as women because our problems are just not "real problems".
I agree.
Oh EVERYTHING you have said here 👆. I have a friend who runs a charity concerned with women’s rights and the abuse /threats she gets are regular and terrifying. I worry about her mental health a lot. It’s VERY damaging because it keeps women quiet. Or tries to. I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who refuse. And frustration and anger at the companies and people profiting with no regard for people’s safety. Not even children. So yes. Thanks for writing this. We should all be shouting these words.
I do shout much as I can about the abuse I get on Twitter via my love for Everton FC, England, and football/soccer. It’s exhausting but worth it.
So exhausting. Sorry you have to put up with that.
It’s apart of being a female football fan and being a female in football.
I don’t know how old you are but this feels like an article about social media from 2000 but it’s earlier than that. Before social media you had newspapers and talk shows that would print 1 letter that was how you felt just to drive up hate and responses from the majority. On talk shows if your opinion was not the majority they would “allow” you to speak first and then the audience, host and anyone they invited to debate you would all pile on.
Crossfire was not an honest debate. “The Five” (really 4 against 1) is not a honest debate. Free speech if your Black or a Black woman in a feminist group is often drowned out by the majority and being ostracized is something that can happen if White people just have feelings about you even being in the room. You don’t even have to open your mouth.
This is also true for girls and women simply playing video games ON-LINE - have a girl avatar and you get attacked much more - while doing the same exact thing the majority is doing. It’s not even about having different thoughts.
I don’t say this to minimize anything you wrote - it’s all true- I am so glad you’re not friends with that guy anymore because he probably has been in the space where you’ve been attacked and didn’t say shit.
I think you should post this every week on every social media site and everyone else should do the same until horrible people realize they are the minority and horrible and maybe they won’t want to be horrible anymore. They truth is they aren’t the minority- they are the loudest part of the majority. You are the minority and even people who would never say/write these things to you - they’ll watch you go through all the hate and anxiety and won’t lose a minute of sleep.
Every Black woman knows this - please stay safe and thank you for this. I’m off to work, thanks for the armor.
I had to stop reading this after the first two paragraphs because I knew it would hit home so deeply.
After becoming very unsafe through my work, with multiple police cases, I couldn't handle the cavalier responses I got from people. Friends, colleagues and even family members said these men were" just weirdos with too much time on their hands" and to "ignore them". The police treated me like a overly sensitive child. After I showed them a group I was part of, made up of 600 women who were trying to keep themselves safe having been targeted by the same man, they told me that the death threat towards me from him was just me "getting nasty messages" and that what I had showed them was "hearsay". This came 15 minutes after I'd done a session for a local police force on the normalisation of misogyny.
After getting a cup of tea, I came back to this piece and now I feel just immensely grateful to Nikki for writing it. ♥️
Oh Nikita, I’m so incredibly sorry someone so casually invalidated the threats you received : that must’ve been soul wrenching and terrifying. There is this insidious undertone of misogyny all around and women are silenced, our pain isn’t taken seriously and we are expected to carry the weight of the world and somehow pretend everything is alright. Men hide behind the Internet facade and spew all sorts of garbage .. And it’s only getting worse .. I wonder if there will ever be a space that’s safe and nourishing for women to express themselves and just be..
I appreciate this space so much.. it’s been my space for solace and peace and healing ❤️🩹 as I attempt to heal from my illnesses.. Sending you so much love and warmth ! Xx
I found this to also be the case being an epic fantasy author who writes books in a multiverse of feminine rage. I get horrible HORRIBLE things left in my DMs simply for using the word ‘feminine rage’ from completely sexist pigs or even from women who tell me I should know my place. It got to a point I had to turn off my DMs completely, and all because of the words ‘feminine rage’ which of itself has a ton of complexity and can be represented in various forms. It saddens me that it came down to closing my DMs but I felt I had to protect myself…it’s so surreal how this behavior feels ‘normal’ enough that people feel okay going into a writer’s personal space to say such nasty things.
Yes!! I wrote a piece the other day about the extreme views the internet holds the day about EVERYTHING and how quickly people jump to put people on pedestals and then knock them down again. And I think you hit the nail on the head with the fact it’s because we don’t see people as people, we can ignore their humanity and turn them into saints and when we’re bored of them sinners, because we dont see any of the consequences of either side from an online view...
Absolutely. The harassment must stop, however it comes about. Either due to men standing up and speaking out against such disgusting practices as deep fake porn or death threats, and shaming those who resort to such tactics, or due to changing the law about what is acceptable.
I wonder if there is a way to trace the creators of such vile content, so they could be charged with libel. It might be tedious, yet the recent success of E Jean Carroll holds possibility for us all.
Nikita - how could anyone stoop so low as to use the written word, which you arrange so beautifully and poignantly, to create such vile threats against you? That same question I had to ask a decade ago when I learned that someone I loved dearly was being bullied and broken by trolls who were virtually creeping into our home through the portal of a laptop screen. I hope that you can filter out those cowardly threats and keep refreshing us with your unique take on life. If we are indeed fighting a battle of light versus darkness, remember that no amount of darkness can defeat the light of a single candle. So keep on shining....
Brilliant and profoundly stated!
"Now I'm just somebody that you used to know."
Agreed. Social media is awful in so many ways
I've recent learned there's a danger in the internet and social media. The notion that information is enough, that more and more information is enough, that you don't have to think, you just have to get more information - gets very dangerous.
Really interesting and thought-provoking piece Nikita.
Interesting
Social media is a poisinous disaster
Is there a value to participating in social media? If there is, I have yet to see it. Is there a value to comment sections of articles? No. Could there be? Sure, if we could rely on people being decent, thoughtful, and humane.
It has gotten to the point where I cringe when a person posts about a personal emotional or physical experience or dilemma. I know what’s coming for that poor soul. It is clearly far worse for women, but social media has proven to be useless for decent people. I just don’t think it can work with millions of anonymous strangers free to express themselves without needing to consider the consequences to fellow humans of what they write. Perhaps this tool cannot teach.