I’m so glad you are here on Substack inviting community and building a pack through invitation to creative endeavors. Thank you. There was a beautiful solitary tree I knew - she so summed up my loneliness in an image I made. I returned to where she stood after a 4 year absence- the night prior a hurricane wind blew there and toppled her... it felt symbolic as I came full circle and had begun to make friends with my loneliness- it is a daily practice to keep her fears of abandonment at bay. So looking forward to January writing and play.❤️
This is such a gentle, moving story. I absolutely agree that it is a daily practice to keep fears of abandonment at bay. In fact, a lot of our fears around loneliness come from a fear of abandonment we developed as children and never healed from, which is why inner child healing is so essential as adults.
It’s a deeply vulnerable thing to admit and it takes immense courage to admit it, thank you for being wonderful and sharing that! Sending you a huge hug! ❤️
I got used to loneliness because of nearly a decade surviving and managing chronic illness. I rarely left my room, and got very used to my own company. I thought I was fine, getting connection from books and poetry (yours, in particular, helped me find a measure of peace and emotion beyond the numbness of my depression).
But then I started a new med and suddenly I can engage with the world. I’m so excited and filled with courage rather than fear of rejection. I realized I need connection with in person humans, both long term friends and interactions with strangers. It never fails to astonish me how people are willing to tell their stories if you just ask and show willingness to listen. It’s my favorite thing about being a “talk story” person.
Being a good listener is an actual super power in a world where people are just waiting for their chance to speak instead of truly hearing what people have to say. Thank you for pointing this out and more so, showing us what true connection is truly meant to be - listening to each others stories.
These words spoke to me I remembered vividly my 20s filling up recklessly the loneliness with bad decisions anything to escape
And now older a little wiser I hope but
I experience loneliness again in a foreign land with few connections the recklessness isn’t there but your words will help me sit with this loneliness & let me talk with her this is long overdue
Your words have really helped I am so very grateful
Thank you so much for the kind, gentle comment - and most importantly for sharing your experience, Vanessa. I am convinced that our twenties are probably the hardest of times for most of us because we are still trying so hard to discover who we are. I wish you so much love and success on your new adventure. I hope it is a wonderful experience for you.
Happy to connect, Nikita! If you're interested, I'm always open to collaboration and/or cross-promotion. Please feel free to reach out anytime. You can check out my history articles (liking and commenting), and message me using the Substack chat feature.
I completely agree that people underestimate the torture of loneliness. Society sees it as a personal failure rather than a structural problem absolutely built by pushing hyperindividualism. Combine this with the destruction of community and it leads to a very unwell culture that refuses to admit its unwell.
Thank you for creating this space. I look forward to taking this journey with you. Could you kindly share things you did to turn your loneliness into solitude? What did you encounter within yourself? Did the universe provide you what you needed? Perhaps someone to confide in?
Oh Nikita, I had a really good year, second year sober (will be on 6th January 2024), and I've met some amazing people, and when I thought this year has already given me everything, I came here and just yesterday I purchased your book, Wild Embers and reading this made me realise that this year isn't finished with its magic! I'm excited to be here and I'm planning to subscribe soon. Thank you so much for your kindness and poetry and just being. 🖤
Thanks for this. Nice to discover you here. I relate to much of what you say - particularly that idea of a single woman, and her cats... which I wrote about a few weeks ago too.
So many lessons in nature. What a wonderful healer she is.
Hi Nikita- I have only just discovered you but am delighted to have done so! This article especially resonates with me as I wrestle loneliness and lack of direction as all that I had soothed myself with doesn’t work anymore... particularly like your description of your 20s as a time of “.... filling up the hole with just about anything..” to flee the desperate loneliness (and running from the humiliation of being lonely ) - my 20s feel like a blur of inadequacy.... 🙁
Thank you for this. I’m dealing with being ghosted by an important connection this year, and it’s been isolating. I love your words on the freestanding tree. It reminds me of the spot I frequent to enjoy solitude: though I’m in the middle of the city, in my neighborhood is a wooded 11 acre historic cemetery, and I love to wander aimlessly there and write. There’s deer, wild turkey and all kinds of birds, a duck pond. Even though I rarely see people there, especially in the winter, I feel less alone among the wilds.
I’m so glad you are here on Substack inviting community and building a pack through invitation to creative endeavors. Thank you. There was a beautiful solitary tree I knew - she so summed up my loneliness in an image I made. I returned to where she stood after a 4 year absence- the night prior a hurricane wind blew there and toppled her... it felt symbolic as I came full circle and had begun to make friends with my loneliness- it is a daily practice to keep her fears of abandonment at bay. So looking forward to January writing and play.❤️
This is such a gentle, moving story. I absolutely agree that it is a daily practice to keep fears of abandonment at bay. In fact, a lot of our fears around loneliness come from a fear of abandonment we developed as children and never healed from, which is why inner child healing is so essential as adults.
‘I was deeply, profoundly lonely. I yearned for connection, the ability to laugh with someone that freely.’
I admitted this to myself just recently ❤️
Thank you for this post Nikita
It’s a deeply vulnerable thing to admit and it takes immense courage to admit it, thank you for being wonderful and sharing that! Sending you a huge hug! ❤️
I got used to loneliness because of nearly a decade surviving and managing chronic illness. I rarely left my room, and got very used to my own company. I thought I was fine, getting connection from books and poetry (yours, in particular, helped me find a measure of peace and emotion beyond the numbness of my depression).
But then I started a new med and suddenly I can engage with the world. I’m so excited and filled with courage rather than fear of rejection. I realized I need connection with in person humans, both long term friends and interactions with strangers. It never fails to astonish me how people are willing to tell their stories if you just ask and show willingness to listen. It’s my favorite thing about being a “talk story” person.
Being a good listener is an actual super power in a world where people are just waiting for their chance to speak instead of truly hearing what people have to say. Thank you for pointing this out and more so, showing us what true connection is truly meant to be - listening to each others stories.
Thank you a full whole hearted thank you
These words spoke to me I remembered vividly my 20s filling up recklessly the loneliness with bad decisions anything to escape
And now older a little wiser I hope but
I experience loneliness again in a foreign land with few connections the recklessness isn’t there but your words will help me sit with this loneliness & let me talk with her this is long overdue
Your words have really helped I am so very grateful
Thank you so much for the kind, gentle comment - and most importantly for sharing your experience, Vanessa. I am convinced that our twenties are probably the hardest of times for most of us because we are still trying so hard to discover who we are. I wish you so much love and success on your new adventure. I hope it is a wonderful experience for you.
Thank you for this. It feels very timely for me and the world.
Thank you for reading this, Leanne! I hope you found some peace within this post - I appreciate your kindness.
Everybody who's lonely, you're not alone! Thanks for sharing.
❤️ thank you for reading
Happy to connect, Nikita! If you're interested, I'm always open to collaboration and/or cross-promotion. Please feel free to reach out anytime. You can check out my history articles (liking and commenting), and message me using the Substack chat feature.
It would say: "kill me." People underestimate the torture of loneliness. I'd, frankly, rather be dead.
I completely agree that people underestimate the torture of loneliness. Society sees it as a personal failure rather than a structural problem absolutely built by pushing hyperindividualism. Combine this with the destruction of community and it leads to a very unwell culture that refuses to admit its unwell.
Yes. And here I am alone. If it were not for my pets, I'd blow my brains out.
Thank you for creating this space. I look forward to taking this journey with you. Could you kindly share things you did to turn your loneliness into solitude? What did you encounter within yourself? Did the universe provide you what you needed? Perhaps someone to confide in?
Oh Nikita, I had a really good year, second year sober (will be on 6th January 2024), and I've met some amazing people, and when I thought this year has already given me everything, I came here and just yesterday I purchased your book, Wild Embers and reading this made me realise that this year isn't finished with its magic! I'm excited to be here and I'm planning to subscribe soon. Thank you so much for your kindness and poetry and just being. 🖤
Thanks for this. Nice to discover you here. I relate to much of what you say - particularly that idea of a single woman, and her cats... which I wrote about a few weeks ago too.
So many lessons in nature. What a wonderful healer she is.
Jo 🌟
What you have written is powerful and resonates with me in a very personal way. Thank you
Hello, its time to connect. Its too lonely here. What if we opened up? Just a little.
Hi Nikita- I have only just discovered you but am delighted to have done so! This article especially resonates with me as I wrestle loneliness and lack of direction as all that I had soothed myself with doesn’t work anymore... particularly like your description of your 20s as a time of “.... filling up the hole with just about anything..” to flee the desperate loneliness (and running from the humiliation of being lonely ) - my 20s feel like a blur of inadequacy.... 🙁
Thank you for this. I’m dealing with being ghosted by an important connection this year, and it’s been isolating. I love your words on the freestanding tree. It reminds me of the spot I frequent to enjoy solitude: though I’m in the middle of the city, in my neighborhood is a wooded 11 acre historic cemetery, and I love to wander aimlessly there and write. There’s deer, wild turkey and all kinds of birds, a duck pond. Even though I rarely see people there, especially in the winter, I feel less alone among the wilds.
My loneliness will say: “boy, sometimes loneliness is good for you”
Hello, its time to connect. Its too lonely here. What if we opened up? Just a little.