Why I’ve Decided to Treat Social Media Like Real-Life

I'm too old and tired to be anyone else but myself.

La Grenouillère by Pierre-Auguste Renoir

A while back when X was still Twitter pre-Elon Musk and I was still in the grip of doomscrolling, I came to a realisation. I wish I could say it was a single tweet that triggered it but actually it was all of it. The way people spoke to each other online as a whole was the thing that made me recognise this. Social Media is often a horrible place because we communicate with each other on there in ways we absolutely never would in person.

Would you approach a stranger on the street and start yelling in their face about their body? If you ever heard two people on a train talking about a celebrity, would you turn around and butt in on their conversation with a totally contrarian opinion? Would you follow strangers around demanding they speak to you, that you are entitled to their time and communication? Would you let a stranger walk into your home and scream at you?

Most people would say no. In fact most people would say they were raised not to speak to strangers at all. At the beginning, social media was a place where you could connect with your friends and they could keep up to date with your life – at least this was the premise that it was sold to us on. It was also a place where you could sometimes find writers and artists you liked – once in a while a troll marched in but they were easily shown the door through the block function.

Then the algorithms came and ruined it for everyone – because the people at the top of social media companies wanted engagement, whatever the cost (I wonder if the folks running those companies are just very bad at actually communicating with people/valuing other people’s existence which is why the algorithms prioritise outrage and clickbait over authentic connection).

And so the rules of engagement online changed. For some reason, certain people decided that they were owed conversation by whoever they were replying to (despite this not being the case in real life). That blocking them was a violation of their free speech instead of something as simple as, “I don’t think you’re worthy of my time or energy”. That a simple statement like “I like peaches” was enough to start a dogpile on someone because they didn’t mention apples. Whatever the case, it feels like something has got to give, because it is extremely difficult for the human brain to process bigotry and hatred alongside photos of puppies and funny memes without breaking a bit. Whether we like it or not, our social media personas are who we are in real life and the angrier and more horrid we are on there, that is who we become on the inside.

This is why I have decided to treat social media like I treat my real life. I treat people with the same kindness as I would offline. I block people liberally the way I enforce my boundaries in real life. If someone yells at me online for no reason, I instantly create that barrier between myself and then. I do not give airtime to provocateurs and people trying to get a rise out of me. I’m going to leave twitter permanently the way I leave places I do not feel comfortable or wanted. And I will communicate with the people who I like and share values with. Some would insist this is an echo chamber, but I have no energy left to sit and constantly communicate with misogynists  and racists who believe wholeheartedly that myself and others deserve less human rights than them – there is work to be done and it won’t be done trying to change the minds of someone who is not engaging in good faith anyway.

Life is short as I’ve discovered through a health scare and it is far too short to be spending time arguing with IHateWomen62534 on any website. At the end of the day, you have only yourself to come home to and it is better, more full of self compassion to come home to a version of yourself that isn’t bitter and hurt because you spent the day arguing online with someone who doesn’t see you as a human being. You deserve better and more than that. We all do.

Until next time,

With warmth and verse,

Nikita

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